Don't Do It Better

It only took me 66 years to figure this out. If you don’t want have to do it all, for god's sake don’t do it better. The mistake a lot of women make is that we actually are pretty good at things. Especially multi-tasking. We multi-task like crazy. Men have a hard time multi-tasking. They are hard-wired to do one job and immerse themselves in that endeavor, eschewing distractions and accomplishing perfection at that one thing.

Women are hard-wired to handle lots of disparate things at once: running a marketing firm, speaking at a luncheon for African Relief, planning menus, figuring out the square footage of a room, solving a difficult geography question on an eight-year-old’s homework and breast-feeding. At the same tine. That’s not to say that women are superior beings. There’s a lot to be said for the focus men put on singular tasks. Just don’t try to interrupt a man in the middle of a monumental job. And the afore-mentioned: don’t be better at things you’d rather not be doing.

The smartest thing I ever did was to dye my husband’s underwear pink. Early on in our marriage, I threw a red garment in with his scanties and ruined the entire load. Yessss! Never did the man’s laundry again. Later, I convinced my kids that if they wanted their own clothes to emerge undyed, they’d better learn to do their own laundry themselves. I’m talking eight- and five-years-old. You can’t start too early with that sex. The five-year-old still won’t let a woman touch his laundry, and he’s 34. Whatever woman he ends up with owes me a big piece of jewelry, I’m telling you.

This evening, John is out walking the dog, sure that I won’t pee and poop him properly. Then he’s going to come back to our RV spot and make a fire. Women can’t make fires. Almost blew it last night when I suggested that poking the logs so that they were reduced to little chunks of burning wood was one sure way to put our meager little flame out fast.

What was I thinking!! A low fire is better than a roaring flame if you don’t have to do it. Why do I have such a hard time following my own rules? Will I ever learn?
B