Errata Redux

On Route 80
From Ohio to Pennsylvania
to Syracuse to Tarrytown

1. If you leave the bathroom window open in a motor coach, a brand new roll of toilet paper will unroll itself down to its cardboard core and you will have to decide if it is worth your time to a) reroll it completely b) reroll it until you are sick of rerolling and throw the rest away or c) toss it and feel incredibly guilty for wasting paper and cluttering the environment. I chose b.

2. Somewhere along Route 80 in Ohio, there is a tollbooth operator who hands out doggy treats. This is undoubtedly a dog lover, and the sweet gift is undoubtedly coming out of her own pocket. Makes you want to pay it forward.

3. There is actually a Rutherford B. Hayes Library in Ohio, but William McKinley has a monument but no library. Is it possible he couldn’t read or write? Even the hat salesman, Harry Truman, has a library. What gives?

4. Hudson, Ohio, looks exactly like Westport, CT. That’s probably because at one time, Ohio was a part of Connecticut. How amazing is that. It was called the Western Reserve and was settled by, of course, folks from Connecticut. That name also explains Case Western Reserve University, which isn’t in Hudson anymore, but the prep school is.

5. If you want a black floor in a motor coach, don’t try to buy granite. It will cause your tires to explode. But don’t accept that your floor has to look like a kitchen instead of a grand marble entryway. Look up the people who make tile for elevators. Aha! Elevators have a weight issue too. And if you do install this wonderful faux granite tile that they use in elevators, be sure to invest in a Swiffer. You’ll be using it every couple of hours or so. Especially if you have a white dog. But you will be inordinately happy with your beautiful floor, nonetheless.

6. Once someone has pulled your motor coach apart for a major installation, do not expect everything to work as before. You can expect that when you are 200 miles down the road, the electric pump that powers your slides and your levelers will give up the ghost and you will not see much of your beautiful floor until you can get your pump fixed after the weekend. Motor coaches, like people, tend to get sicker on weekends. I don’t know why that is.

7. I didn’t write this, but I wish I had: More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.