The Weirdness of My Life

Gulf Shores Alabama
Anchors Away CG




RV living is strange. I wouldn’t call it totally weird, but it certainly is an odd way of being.

First of all, the mushrooms. Yesterday, I looked down at the wall next to the toilet and there, at the juncture of the wall and floor, was a big old mushroom like the one in this picture, growing in the crack. We’d had rain a couple of nights running, so I guess some moisture got in there and … but wait, aren’t mushrooms propagated from spores? I have mushrooms in the refrigerator, but they haven’t been out for a walk since I put them there a week ago. They’re probably busy shriveling and weeping, getting ready to be thrown out, the typical fate of the mushrooms I buy. So where did this rogue fungus come from? I hesitate to consider. Let’s just say it’s one of the strange events that happen in this RV.

Second, I can appreciate a missing sock in an 8-room house with its attendant nooks and crannies. But when you do the wash in a 2x3 space (that’s inches, by the way), how does one sock escape? Is it now seeking its future in the outside world? Is it now standing by the highway, thumbing (or more correctly, toeing) its way to Florida and the warm weather? Did it enlist the dog to sneak it out the door? What was his reward for such treachery? I’m the one with the doggy treats, not my sock.

Third, when your one carpet is both your entry mat and your living room rug, you end up shampooing it weekly. And since there’s no room for a Bissell in this rig, it’s hands and knees, baby, the way the pilgrims probably cleaned their carpets. I didn’t sign on for the Luddite lifestyle.

Fourth, when was the last time your toaster flew off the counter?

Fifth, how many scales have you broken without even standing on them? How insulting.

Sixth, does your mate yell, “Turn on the diesel,” when the shower water turns chilly?

Seventh, does your whole house shake when the dryer gets going? Wait. Maybe that's not as weird as I think it is.

Eighth, are your overhead cabinets not really over head, but at head, so that you crack your skull at least twice a week? I’ve always thought that 5’3” was short. Now I discover it’s life threatening.

Ninth, no junk mail. Which is a good thing, I think, although I miss my catalogs. On the other hand, I must have saved $60,000 so far.

Tenth, no mail. Not a good thing. The forwarding service we hired is wonderful; the DHL service they’re using is decidedly sub-standard. We just got mail from two months ago. The late fees from our credit cards are eating up my $60M savings.

I’m sure if I worked hard enough at this list, it could go up to 100, but I remind you that I am retired, which means permission to be lazy. When I think of another ten, I’ll write another blog. Meantime, I’m going on a mushroom hunt. I have a thing about sharing my private time with a shitaki.

Betty