A Diller a Dollar

West Memphis, Arkansas
Parked by the Mississippi
On the way to Alabammy

You can tell me I’m a hick. You can tell me I’m a redneck. You can tell me I’m cheap, low-class, addicted to bargains. You can tell me anything you want. But don’t tell me I can’t shop at the dollar store.

Once I got out of the big city and into small-town America, I encountered a phenomenon that was so alluring, so captivating, so full of promise I just couldn’t resist it. A store so full of bargains you’d never stop spending your dollars. All of them.

In every small town across America, I am hypothesizing, there exists at least one dollar store – A Dollar General – and more often than not, a second one -- Family Dollar. I’ve seen as many as two Dollar Generals and two Family Dollars on one block.

I guess they buy overstocks of basic items like cosmetics, groceries, tee shirts, household cleaners and candy – aisles and aisles of candy – and sell them well below the ordinary price.

What a find! Yesterday I was in Bowling Green Kentucky on the outskirts of town, and I spied the Dollar Store, so of course I had to check it out. I ended up buying flavored rice, mushroom soup, a ton of plastic plates, napkins, Corian countertop cleaner and a velour jacket and pants in my favorite washable polyester, all for a grand total of $29.

Not only that, when I walked unto the store this morning WEARING the pants that turned out to be enormous on me, they happily let me exchange them for a smaller size, and lent me their bathroom to make the switch.

Now that’s my kind of store.

It occurs to me that the one thing I would invest in, during this time of craziness in the stock market, is Dollar General or Family Dollar, and given that their stock was exactly the same and laid out in exactly the same merchandising configuration, I suspect they are one and the same store. So consider this a stock tip from one redneck, bargain hunting, low-riding chick. I’m sitting here typing in my polyester warmup suit, happy as a clam.

Or maybe even happier, since clams rarely shop at dollar stores.