Tallahassee Lassie

Tallahassee Florida

This song has been bouncing around in my brain all day, so forgive the plagiarism. I mean it in the nicest way.

We’ve now been in the South for almost two months, and I am learning some Southernisms and Southern Truths that we Northerners ought to be mindful of.

Let me share my learnin’ with y’all.

1-Southerners believe I have a pronounced accent. The fact that most television announcers sound like me and not like Little Luke seems to have escaped them. I may be an outsider, but I definitely do not have an accent, youse guys.

2-Southerners say y’all, and in some cases, modify it with all, so it becomes “all y’all.” They believe it makes much more sense than “all of you,” if only for the time it takes to say the three-word term. I was told as much, and thus learned that y’all isn’t just a cutesy Southern term, it actually has a philosophy behind it. And they say Southerners are slow.

3-Southern time is different from Northern time. It breaks up into three distinct segments: a) A while (pronounced awhahl), which is longer than b) a little while, and a lot longer than c) “jest a minute more.” If you ask how long it’ll take to mount the six tires you just blew $4000 on, the RV guy says “a while” and that’s as good as you’re going to get. In our case, it took 24 hours.

4-Never buy Chinese food at a gas station.

5-Florida may be our southernmost state, but it is by far the northernmost of all the southern states. Is that totally clear? Florida has bagels, Dunkin Donuts, a Saks Off Fifth Outlet, fancy cars, higher prices and people with New Yawk (the only kind to have) accents living in palatial houses. I almost feel at home here. If only the darn sun weren’t out all the time, and the temperature so moderate, and the sky so blue, and the streets so wide, and the pace so relaxed.

Betty