When in Rome

River Plantation RV Park
Pigeon Forge, TN

It took us just 45 minutes to drive from White Pine TN to Pigeon Forge, home of the fabled Dollywood, Dolly Parton’s amusement park based on the music and food of the Smokey Mountains. We were particularly happy to be here this week, because it was the last week of the Barbeque & Bluegrass Festival, and with Dolly’s Picture on the front of the brochure, guitar strategically placed to keep one’s focus on the music, we thought we might even see the gal herself if we were lucky.

Dollywood is a couple of miles out of town, town being one giant strip mall of every fast food joint you can imagine, plus attractions like the Cirque du Chine, no relation to the famous Cirque du Soleil, many. many theatres featuring country humor delivered by fat men in overalls, NASCAR racing, laser tag, water slides, amusement parks, country music by gals in ruffled dresses and guys in cowboy gear, souvenir shops, Amish furniture, Bible bookstores, tons of motels and of course, the Super WalMart.

The Barbeque Competition was held on an open-air mall in the center of the park, with tent after tent of competitors for Best Pulled Pork, Best Pork Shoulder, and Best Ribs, where you could sample everybody’s fare and decide for yourself what was deserving of the Blue Ribbon.

Besides the rides, the park also holds something like seven theaters, each featuring blues acts. The brochure pictured Ricky Skaggs, Rhonda Vincent and Cherryholmes, but the big act today was the Rascals at the main theater.

Not that we saw any of this, or ate any of the barbeque, for that matter. This description is all from the brochure.

We arrived at the park at 4:30, thinking to make a night of it, and were told that most of the shows were over, and the park was closing at 7. But if we wanted to pay the $94.50 plus $11 parking we could come again on Friday. The park is closed on Thursday. We turned the car around and headed for Gatlinburg. We were leaving in the morning and by Friday would be in North Carolina.

So much for Dollywood. But the brochure was pretty and the food looked good, so we filed the paperwork for a future visit. Hey, we’re retired. We can come back if we want to.

Gatlinburg is pretty. The main drag is a few blocks long, and most of the town looks like an Alpine Village. There are flowers everywhere, and beautiful mountain scenery in the background, but after we’d parked and walked a bit it was clear that this was another kind of strip mall, impeccably delivered, but its content was the same as Pigeon Forge – souvenirs, junk jewelry, knock-off handbags, head shops, pulled-pork restaurants, and T-shirts, most of which were covered in jewels, glitter and sayings like “My Daddy and Mommy went all the way to Gatlinburg and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” I didn't think Jeff would appreciate this shirt as he is 34 and doesn't call us Mommy and Daddy anymore.

There was a sky lift up the mountain, but it looked rickety, and a needle like Seattle’s, but it had no elevator, just seventy-seven stairways leading to the top. We didn’t think the view would be worth the heart attack. The fudge was good, though. Especially with my Diet Coke, which I managed to spill on my shirt and make a nice stain with. Don't try to walk and drink at the same time, I learned. We headed home.

Now we’re back at our campground, where the waterfall behind our camper sings sweeter than Ricky Skaggs, and the crickets are lowing their own kind of blues. If my guess is right, I’ll be making burgers on the grill flavored with the sauce I bought in Gatlinburg, and we’ll call it a night at nine, just as we’ve done the past three nights here.

This is country as we hoped it would be, far from the glitter and glitz, and close to the soul of this part of Tennessee. We couldn’t be happier.
Betty